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 BRIDGING THE GAP Education, Empathy & the Work that Matters Exclusive Interview with Jennifer Kaufman Featured in 'Innerviews' Hosted by Allié McGuire There’s often a gap between intention and impact, between what we say and what we actually do. When it comes to autism, Jennifer Kaufman is working in that space, building bridges that make inclusion real. ALLIÉ: You live in two worlds that don't always intersect, Jennifer, as a school principal, that lens, and then as a grandmother navigating autism at home. So my first question for you today is, how has that dual perspective changed the way that you lead? JENNIFER: So is it the way that I lead or the way that I grandparent? ALLIÉ: Let's look at both. JENNIFER: Okay. So in terms of my leadership, I always thought that I was supportive of families and that I understood their journey and tried to really let them know that we were there for them in terms of school. But when it came down to it, once I had somebody with autism in my own family, it really shifted that perspective to understand that although we're trying to support them in school, they are with their child and they are concerned about their child 24/7 and in need of support 24/7. ALLIÉ: So having that lived experience outside of the classroom, outside of school, but then in home as well. Let's talk then, because there is a difference between understanding autism academically and experiencing it personally. What did you have to unlearn once autism became part of your family's story? JENNIFER: I really had to define to myself, and eventually to my family, what my role was because I had certain expectations as a grandmother going into it. And then I brought my expectations as a professional in the field and what I thought I knew he needed and what I thought I could bring to the table, expecting that it would be readily accepted. I was surprised because it wasn't. It was through trial and error that I really learned a lot and what ultimately motivated me to write the book. ALLIÉ: Absolutely. So let's talk about the book. Grandparenting on the Spectrum is not just about awareness. It is not simply saying here is the issue, but rather pushing beyond that. What is the most important shift that you hope people make after reading your book? JENNIFER: That is such a good question. The shift for me, and the one I hope to share with grandparents and extended family members, is to shift expectations and to understand that the parents of that child are the experts on that child. No matter how much knowledge I brought to the table, when it came down to it, my daughter and her husband needed to be acknowledged as the experts. ALLIÉ: Let's talk about a word. Inclusion. It is something we hear often, but it is not always felt and not always practiced. In your opinion, in your words, what does true inclusion look like when it is done right? JENNIFER: Inclusion is incredibly important. I almost wish there was an autism inclusion month. Inclusion is providing opportunities for someone with autism, or any kind of neurodiverse operating system, to be part of their community in a way that does not differentiate them or set them apart. It is about giving opportunities to truly be part of and to immerse themselves in their communities, their activities, their schools, and everything that comes with that. ALLIÉ: I love that, to be part of, not to find a part and place it off to the side. I think that is the mistake we often make. I can speak personally. When I grew up, I was the only Black girl in my community. On Diversity Day, they said let's celebrate and be inclusive. They used the word inclusive, but what did they do? They sent me, being a girl of color, to another place where they gathered others from different communities and said, here, you go enjoy. I think we see something similar with autism. Someone says, oh, you are autistic, you should meet this person because they are autistic too. But we do not have to exist only within those circles. Our children should not be limited to that either. It is so important that they are around all children and feel truly welcomed. JENNIFER: I agree with you so much. Something that comes to mind is here in New Jersey, where I am located, we are building these beautiful parks for children with disabilities, including autism. They are wonderful and funded by corporations and community efforts. But again, they are separate. They create a space that says this is your park and this is your equipment. It would be so much more meaningful to have shared spaces where all children can play together, with equipment that supports everyone. ALLIÉ: Exactly. Not this is your park, but this is our park. JENNIFER: Right. ALLIÉ: What has been the hardest part of being a grandparent of a child on the spectrum? JENNIFER: As in any family, relationships need to be navigated carefully. I have had to recognize that with all of my background, education, experience, and years of attending IEP meetings, there is a time and a place for my expertise. Sometimes, the role of grandma is simply what I need to be. No matter what that voice in the back of my head is saying, I have to be present. I have to enjoy the experience with my family and my grandchild, and set the professional part of myself aside. ALLIÉ: That is such important advice. With the best intentions, we often want to fix or help, but sometimes we just need to be. Just be. One more question for you today. If you could change one thing about how communities show up for individuals with autism and their families, what would it be? JENNIFER: There are so many things, but I would say acceptance, support, and inclusion. Maybe you do not understand what you are seeing, whether it is a behavior or a child communicating with a device, but do not shy away. Ask questions. Be supportive, caring, and kind. We have encountered people who are not kind, and it makes everything more difficult. Always remember that when someone with autism is having a difficult time, they are having a difficult time, they are not giving anyone a difficult time. ∎
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