STRENGTH IN THE SHADOWS

STRENGTH IN THE SHADOWS
Finding Light In Loss & Courage In Truth
Exclusive Interview with Nina Hobson
Featured in 'Innerviews'
Hosted by Allié McGuire

From the frontlines of law enforcement to the front rows of icons, Nina Hobson has spent her life protecting others—royalty, rock stars, and everyday citizens alike. But when corruption crept into the very system she served, she risked everything to expose it, turning her badge into a beacon for truth. Behind the strength of a protector lies the story of a woman who has faced danger, loss, and betrayal… and still chooses courage, again and again.

ALLIÉ: You’ve spent much of your life keeping others safe; heads of state, artists, and entire communities. You’ve protected those who spend their lives in front of the lens. So first question for you today is, what was it like Nina, to suddenly turn the lens inward when you decided to expose corruption from within the very system that you once defended? What was that like?

NINA: That was probably the hardest job I've ever done in my life because it was my own. And it took me two years to really decide to do that because obviously there was a moral dilemma, there was legal issues, there was everything going on. I think also the hard part for me was that I made a decision very early on. I didn't want to involve anyone else. I just wanted it to be me and then if it went wrong or I ended up in prison, which was really the reality that I knew I was getting into, then that was all on me. And so again, I turned in the lens on me. Obviously at the time when I was doing it, I was so secretive and so under anybody's radar. But obviously I knew that when that came out, that would be the moment that suddenly there would be interest in me. And even to this day, I find that really kind of entertaining because it's the last thing I am or who I am. But I knew what I was doing was for the right reasons.

ALLIÉ: And those unfamiliar with the story behind it all, can you share just what this whole situation was, that you had to be brave to share?

NINA: Of course. I love the police force. The police force made me who I am today, and what I found very difficult working in there was that there were some bad apples. I want to stress that there are very few bad apples. To be a police officer, it's a hard job, it's commitment, it's sacrifice. And I wanted to expose the bad things in order to make it easier for the good cops to do their job and so I made the decision to film secretly for a year within the organization to be able to expose those things and hopefully make a difference to members of the public, and definitely make a difference to my colleagues all in a good way.
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​ALLIÉ: Absolutely. The fact of the matter is that whistle blowing cost you nearly everything; career, reputation, even safety. Looking back now, what do you remember most about that moment that you decided to act and what it cost you personally to tell the truth and what did it give you though?

NINA: I remember the very first morning, I was driving in with a camera and I actually pulled over at the side of the road and threw up. I was so like, am I doing the right thing? Am I doing this for the right reasons? And that's something I ask myself every day. And it certainly wasn't because I wanted to be famous. I could have done many other things to achieve that. But I decided it was for the right reasons.

Now, the one person that I did tell I was doing this- so I was married at the time, I'm not any longer, but I was married to a cop at the time, so obviously I didn't tell him. It was too much of a risk. But I did tell a lawyer and I said, hey, this is what I'm going to do. And the lawyer said, absolutely no way. You cannot do this. He said, I have no defense for you. You'll have breached the official secrets act. At best you will go to prison for five years, and at worst you will go to prison for 25 years so you cannot do this under any circumstances. And I said, thank you for your advice. I'm doing it because I believe that I need to do it.

So the whole time I knew that that was the reality. Whenever I was in the police station, I thought that maybe this is the day, this is the day I get taken to prison and I don't get to see my kids. Waving bye to my kids every time I was going undercover, was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. And knowing that maybe I won't see those kids for a little while, because I sure as hell wouldn't want them coming to see me in prison.

But again, I am somebody who is so passionate about my beliefs sometimes to my detriment. But I was determined to try and make a difference and so I did the undercover and I knew it was going to cost me my career and my career had been incredibly successful. And again, that was a decision, do I risk my career or give up my career to do this? And I felt so strongly about it, obviously I did.

And when I left, I remember the day I sat at my coffee table at home, no job, lots of tears, a great response from the public when that show came out. I had letters from all parts of the world saying, you've been the voice that we can't be and the fact that you want to make a difference for an organization that so often is criticized with its flaws. So that was the first thing that kind of made me realize, you know what, I did this and I did a good job. ​And then I was sat having a down moment, like, what do I do now? And a gold envelope came through the letterbox because we had letterbox in those days, and it was a card that said that, I was a finalist in the Woman of the Year, which is a big deal in the UK for services to the country. And that was the moment I kind of validated everything that I had done and I realized I would do this again. I just want to say I didn't win, thank goodness. I was so embarrassed to be in this room of amazing people. But yeah, that was kind of a moment where I knew I had really done the right thing.
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ALLIÉ: Wow. I just wonder how many people in your position would have, especially when you have a lawyer saying, no, you absolutely can't and yet you did because you knew you had to. So let's get a little deeper here. You've protected so many, yet you've shared that you lost someone that you couldn't save. Would you want to share that and how maybe that helped you to find strength and protection and purpose in a whole different way?

NINA: Yeah, and if I get emotional, I apologize. It's actually the anniversary of that next week. So, it's my brother, and my brother was my hero. He was two years older than me. I remember somebody was bullying me at school and my brother went and punched him. He also had really cool, hot friends, and I'm the youngest sister. He was like, you’re absolutely not dating any of my friends. He was my absolute hero.

And one day I was feeling kind of miserable and I rang him and I said, hey, can you meet me for a coffee? And he said, sure. And we met and we had a coffee, and we went out to the car park and, you know, he'd been my older brother. He was like, “I am always here for you, call me whenever you need to. I've got you sis.”

We had lost my parents fairly early on, both of them to cancer actually. And so he was my whole world, and he gave me a hug in the car park of this little restaurant where we'd met and said, “I'll see you soon.” And the following morning I received a call to say that he had committed suicide. And I was like, that's absolutely not possible. I saw him last night, he told me he was always going to be here for me.

I went to the scene and yes, it was very true. No one was playing a really sick joke on me. And I had to now deal with the loss of my best friend, my hero and also I didn't understand any of it. I grew up in a world and a society probably where suicide is an easy way out, suicide is for weak people. And suddenly there's my brother, my hero, my strength has committed suicide and I had no answers for any of it.

I didn't see that he'd been depressed. I'd never seen the changes in his behavior because he was always obviously super strong with me. And when he committed suicide, he really meant to commit suicide. There was no, this is a cry for help. The way that he had done things, this was the one and only time this was going to happen to him. It wasn't anything other than I'm out.

So it was obviously a very hard road, and I think looking back now, I got strength from that. And I talk about it because it was and still is a taboo subject and it's like people don't talk about it. We talk more about mental health, thank goodness than we ever did. I have really concerns about the younger generation and what their life is like due to Instagram and social media and this instant gratification that is so much part of their lives.

But for my brother, and I think now, I feel even more that I want to save people and maybe I need to go to therapy, but I want to save people. I think it’s triggered by the fact I couldn't save my brother. Had he opened up to me, had he told me every day, I think things would've been so different. I could have helped him but the reality was I couldn't help him.
So now my life is very much about helping people and whether that's saving a rhino or rescuing a sex trafficked child, or protecting a celebrity or a CEO or somebody who is at risk, I think I am just that protector now. He’s definitely given me strength to do that even more than I was before.

ALLIÉ: From being your strength to giving you strength.

NINA: And when I'm in that moment of, oh I don’t know how this is going to go, my brother is called Craig, and I would often say what would Craig do? And he was a lovable rogue. He was that charismatic guy that walked in a room. And actually it's so bizarre because my son is like him in every way. So I still kind of see him living through my son, because my son is also a lovable rogue. He lives on in every way and he pushes me in every way. And I'm like, what would Craig do right now? And I know what the answer would be, he would sort this out because that's what he did and that's what I do.

​ALLIÉ: Nina, thank you so much for sharing that. Your life, my goodness… from undercover operations in the UK to, as you just referenced, anti-poaching work in Zimbabwe, to the fight against sex trafficking, your path has been this battle between darkness and light. Where do you find hope when the world shows you its very worst?

NINA: You do see the dark all the time in our role. But I see hope in so many things. My kids are my heartbeat and they have been my grounder force throughout all of this. When you rescue a child, it's very hard to like any part of the world. You're like, this is the worst thing that anyone can do. And then you get home to your own family and you have to tell your son to pick up his washing off the floor and you are texting your daughter how to make spaghetti bolognese. So they keep me grounded, but I think I see hope in everything because if I didn't, what would life be for somebody who is seeing darkness all the time?

I actually went to a counselor once and said, hey, is there actually something wrong with me? Because I have seen all of this bad part of life, but I'm actually so normal and I can still see so much good in the world too. And even the rhinos, I'll use them as an example, the fact that we have to go and deal with the poaching. But you know what, we have a team of volunteers who go and deal with that poaching. We go and rescue sex trafficked children and I look around the room when we're doing that and I'm like, wow, these people are amazing. That gives me hope that there are such good people in the world and continue to be good despite all the horrible things that happen and we see. I'm very fortunate that I'm able to have a balance of both.

ALLIÉ: One more question for you, Nina. You've proven that leadership and protection isn't about gender. It's about grit, intuition, and clearly as I've found speaking with you today, about heart. What would you say to this next generation of women who want to step into roles where fear has too long held the door closed on them?

NINA: If you want to do something, do it. That's what I say to everyone in every situation. And in our role, seek out a mentor, find that woman who has opened the door and go and knock on their door and say, “Hey, you know what? I want to be the next you.” Definitely nothing to me is about gender. Look, there's a time and a place in my role in security. I'm not the right person because I'm a slight built female. There's a time and a place where I am the right person. There's a time when I can go in the bathroom with the person I'm protecting. And hey, that's where a stalker might go if that's where they expect there's no security.

So to the next generation, you can do it regardless of what it is you want to do. If you are a female in a man's world, you can do it, and please do. Do it and make a difference. And keep saying, you know what? I'm good at my job because I'm good at my job. I'm not bad at my job because I'm a female. I'm not good at my job because I'm a male. I'm good because I'm good. Keep that mindset and go do it and take over the world. ∎

Find & Follow Nina on LinkedIn:
​www.linkedin.com/in/nina-hobson-298177192