THE FINAL SERVE

THE FINAL SERVE
'Leaving The Game But Not The Grit'
Exclusive Interview with Tri Bourne
Conducted by Allié McGuire

​For more than a decade, Tri Bourne chased greatness on the beach—rising through the ranks as a professional beach volleyball player and representing Team USA in the Olympics, and redefining what resilience looks like in sport. But this isn’t just a story about volleyball. It’s about grit and grace, about the power of choosing your moment instead of letting the moment choose you. In this conversation, we look back on the climb, sit with the weight of the goodbye, and look ahead to what comes after the game—fatherhood, freedom, and the fire that still burns.

ALLIÉ: Tri, let’s start at the beginning—not necessarily with the first medals or the major match points before or after being part of the AVP or playing in the Olympics. Do you remember the moment when volleyball stopped being just something you did and started becoming a part of who you are?

TRI: Right. It's interesting looking back on it now, because when you're younger, you don't realize that that's what you're doing, right? You're creating this identity for yourself. I think if you knew that, maybe you'd go about it a little bit more mindfully. I started playing when I was probably 12 or 13, just messing around, and then getting more serious​ with youth national team stuff when I was 16 or 17. So back then, it was just like something to do, something to play. But I think, obviously, when I went to college, I started getting notoriety and that's when it kind of clicked that what I'm doing on the court has a bit of a bigger impact outside of just myself. I'm representing a university and that kind of thing. And then when I went pro, I was on my own. And so I had that hint of playing for something bigger than myself, but now it was like, I get to start from scratch and make this professional career whatever I want it to be. And what that ended up being was just like, I wonder what it's like to be a world-class professional athlete. That's been my dream. I wonder what that is. And I had a realization that I didn't need to actually be the best athlete in the world to experience what it's like to be a world-class athlete. Obviously, there are some opportunities that you have to earn by winning and all that, but I could go about my business in that way. And when I decided that, I think that's when my identity started to kind of get glued to volleyball and I started to realize that, wow, this is like a big life move and a big thing that's going to set up the foundation for the rest of my life—the person that I've become on and off the court. And I think the biggest part in hindsight, looking back, is the challenges, the highs and the lows, and how I treated those, and how I learned from the lows, learned from the wins as well. But yeah, I think it started probably right when I realized that I had the potential to go professional and once I set on that course, I started building this new person.

ALLIÉ: It became part of you. Not just what you did, but part of who you are. So—14 years at this, on tour, playing in the sand with both the weight of dreams and also that constant grind of the reality of it all. When you look back, Tri, what was the hardest thing to carry?

TRI: Letting go of control, I think, was probably the biggest thing. With a lot of my successes, I gained this crazy confidence, but the circumstances changed year to year, month to month. So it got very frustrating with this almost perfectionism mindset where I wanted everything to go the right way and I visualized it going a certain way. And so when it didn’t, it was really hard. But then time and time again, I had to learn those lessons of it's not in my control. The circumstances are out of my control, so I can't stress out about that, and that's what was hard for me.

Then I got the biggest lesson, which was getting the autoimmune disease, having to step back from the sport in my prime for two years. That was a life changer because I had to spend so much time in my own head. I didn't have that outlet of the sport, of the exercise, the adrenaline, and all that. So that was probably the time where I made the biggest leaps in terms of realizing that my circumstances, my story, is just different from everyone else’s, and that's neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. And I had to really lean into my own story and being unique and special in my own way. So I think that's what it probably is.

ALLIÉ: Yeah, for sure. Control—it’s a hard thing to let go of.

TRI: Yeah, let go of the reins…

ALLIÉ: Letting those reins go is hard. So let’s go to the flip side of that then. Over the course of these 14 years, what's something from the game that you'll always hold close to you?

TRI: I think something I showed myself was just perseverance and resilience, and I learned a lot. And I don't have regrets, but obviously I’d do things differently in hindsight because hindsight is usually 20/20, right? But I think just the perseverance, the strength to go through the highs and the lows, and to maintain the integrity and always come back out of the lows and find the positives eventually, and always try—at least—to have high values and virtues and have my actions follow those values, it just gave me a lot of confidence in my ability to overcome whatever is next. Whether it's having kids or whatever life throws at me, it gives me confidence going forward because I was able to face those challenges and go through them—not try to get around them or act like they weren't there, but just own it, face it. It's my challenge. It's my unique story. There's no comparison. I think I can use that going forward, and what might be even more valuable of all is that I can maybe pass it down to other people and I can help others with it.

ALLIÉ: Yeah, I know. And that's the course, right? It's never around, above, or below—you have to go through it.

TRI: Yeah, you can't dodge it. It'll just follow you until you face it.

ALLIÉ: Yeah, non-dodgeable. Let's make that a term. I'd like to switch gears for a moment. Gabby's been by your side through all of this—from the climbs through the chaos, from Naia's first steps to Mox's first breath. What does it mean to share this journey with her? Not just as your wife, but as your partner. What does it mean to you?

TRI: I think now that it's over—you know, when I'm in it, we're just kind of going for it. But when I get to step back and really look at it, and right now, obviously being at the end of my career, it's looking back a lot and just realizing that I had it so good. Somehow she found value in pursuing this life that was about me pursuing my dream. And I think that's probably rare. I think if she wasn't feeling fulfilled in that, then I would've had to pivot and things would've gone differently. And maybe I’d feel like I had more to give, but I just feel super grateful. And we're as close as ever—even closer—as we have kids.

I know that the stresses get higher, but because of the highs and lows we've gone through, there's just no hesitance in our commitment and our next steps together or whatever it might be. It's like, we're just fully committed to this life together. It's all we know and it's all we want to know. And she carried a lot of the heavy-burden stuff that I didn't have the energy to carry—whether it was calling the doctors for me, remembering what they said, taking notes, or reminding me of things. And she never really cared about what I did on the court. She just wanted me to go out there and “do what you want to do. You enjoy it, so go do it.”

But when you come back, I don't really care if you won or lost. She cares less. So that took pressure off of me, it allowed me to play free and just do it for my own reasons and then come back and be home. And then also, I got to have a kid while having a career as well because she's holding it down. And so it's cool, and the thing I'm most excited about now is kind of supporting her in that reverse role to whatever extent she's excited to work—which she’s really excited about right now. So it's cool. We get a little trade-off and now I kind of get to see how she did it, how to return the favor, and hopefully do it well.

ALLIÉ: That's awesome. We know life is all about balance, but when you have a relationship like the two of you have, it’s about just keeping that balance and--

TRI: Yeah. I just feel super grateful, like I hit the jackpot.

ALLIÉ: Yeah. Well, I think you both lucked out very much to find each other. So let’s go back to you, Tri. Stepping away at 35—not because you have to, but because you choose to—what was it that gave you the clarity and the will to retire while you’re still at the top?

TRI: Just turned 36, by the way. So now I'm on the back half. But it's been a long time coming, and I feel like whatever life's energy was working to give me this clarity, it's been a slow burn. And I push through a lot—I’m very determined once I set myself a goal and I think that I'm capable of it. So I think that life realized, we're going to have to give this guy a lot to make him see the clarity and stop, which maybe if I'm not as hardheaded going forward and I learn from this, I won't need such hard lessons that life has to bring me. We'll see.

TRI: (continued)  But I think it's like this respect for the body. If it keeps getting hurt, obviously I'm not being my best version of myself. I'm stressed out for long periods of time. I'm just not comfortable. I'm not being my best version of myself. And then that sacrifice started turning into not allowing me to do my best on the court. And then it's like, okay, now I'm just selfishly doing this. It's not helping my family. I'm not necessarily going to achieve these dreams if the body's not on board.

The family is fully committed to it, but it's my responsibility. Them not telling me it’s time to stop puts it on me. It's my responsibility to know when to stop and what's best. And just realizing that the body’s good—it just kind of gave it. In terms of competing at the level I like to compete, the body gave me all it could for that particular style of training. And then the family gave me all the time I needed as well.

So, there just wasn't much else to gain and I felt like going forward is kind of just a little bit selfish, because we can create more opportunities for Gabby and I can be there more for the family. But also, it's almost like an egotistical chase for more accolades and success when life's clearly telling me, hey, it's time to shift. So it's just a matter of listening.

But there are so many signs now, and I have done enough self-work to realize it is just time. I can hear the messages, I can hear the signs, I know that I'm good. I accomplished more than I ever could've imagined, and so anything else would just be kind of selfish, it feels like, and I just don't need it. Like, let's move on. We don't need to beat a dead horse, as they say.

ALLIÉ: I just think that speaks volumes about you—not only as an athlete, but as a person, as a father, as a husband. How does it feel to reclaim your narrative on your own terms? Because so many people go and go and go, and then it’s like “uhh,” but you’re just saying, no—it’s my choice. How does that feel?

TRI: Yeah, it does feel good. I definitely feel a sense of relief and excitement knowing that I took the time to think about it and give myself the opportunity, at least, to step out on my terms. Because I was able to do that, now I get to make an announcement, I get to spend the month on my gratitude tour—I’m calling it My Last Few Weeks—just thinking back and being grateful and sending messages of thanks to whoever I can. And I get to enjoy it and I get to celebrate the end of this. Because I chose to do it early enough, it wasn’t forcing the sport to keep sending me out. And then, you know, the writing's on the wall and people can see like, what are you doing? So, it feels good and it feels like another move where I am doing the right thing, not necessarily the thing I 100% want to do, it's just the right thing, which doesn't always feel good. Like, it's hard for me to retire and see everyone else continue and whatnot, but I know it's the right thing because I've done the self-work and I know that I want to live a life of following those values of mine.

ALLIÉ: So awesome, Tri. Just a couple more questions. Now that the jersey is coming off, who is Tri now without the sport, the stats, or the sand? Who is Tri?

​TRI: Yeah, it’s a good question. I'm definitely in a state of open-mindedness. I don't necessarily want to force that definition or try to define who I am, but continue to just live a life of my values and observe who I am outside of volleyball rather than trying to force it and control it. There are so many of these lessons that I learned in sport that I know are going to translate and have given me this confidence.

I don't know why I'm confident, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm confident in my ability to adapt and figure it out. But I know that I’ve got to be patient and I’ve got to just let it come to me and take the time to let the muddy water settle and kind of meditate on it. But it's a cool feeling too because for the first time I'm not going to be a volleyball player—I'm only going to be a man of my values, which is family and all that. So it'll be a good headspace to be in, I think, if I can really be present, which takes a little bit of work.

ALLIÉ: Yeah, it does—especially since you've been so regimented for so long to say, “this is my next, this is my next.” But it's not your next, it's your now. What is your now? And you have full control of that now. So we looked at now—looking forward—how do you hope those kiddos, Naia and Mox, will one day tell the story of the man you became after the game? What do you want them to say of you?

TRI: I think my best version of parenting is kind of like sport—it’s me just being present. That's when my best version of myself comes out in sport, and so I kind of translate that into life and especially parenting. If I can be there, giving them my attention, I trust myself to tell them the right things, to do the right things. I don't know what those are all going to be, but I think if they're looking back and saying that, “he was just there for us, present, and he gave us his attention”—that's my best chance of them really loving how I raised them. ∎

Find & follow Tri on Instagram:
​@tribourne