THE GIFT WITHIN THE STRUGGLE

THE GIFT WITHIN THE STRUGGLE
Finding Passion & Purpose with MS
Exclusive Interview with Nicole Pedra
Featured in 'Innerviews'
Hosted by Allié McGuire

​There’s a rare kind of grace that comes from living with something that tries to take everything from you. Nicole Pedra knows that grace well. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she’s learned that gratitude isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. A model, actress, and fierce advocate, Nicole has turned what could have been a closed door into an open invitation for others to find strength in vulnerability. Now, as one of the main cast members in ‘Because I Can’, she’s sharing her story so others might find pieces of their own strength reflected within it. Because when gratitude becomes your lens, even the hardest days hold their own kind of beauty.

ALLIÉ: You have spoken before, Nicole, about how MS changed what you prioritize. But how has it changed how you love? How has it changed the way you show up for others, and even the way you show up for yourself?

NICOLE: Oh, this is a great one. Prioritizing myself is not as easy as showing love for other people. I have had this disease for 27 years now, and I have learned to adapt so I can still do the things I want to do. In the last few years especially, I try much harder to prioritize my own health. I try to stop feeling like I need to please people. I try to stop worrying about whether something might make someone uncomfortable.

​The way I love people now is by realizing that the little things matter a lot. Some of my friends really do not like when plans get canceled, and I understand that. So when I commit to a plan, I push myself to follow through. I do still cancel sometimes, of course, but I have certain friends who feel most loved simply by my showing up. It tells them they matter.

It has also given me the ability to really listen. I will talk to a 90-year-old man who speaks slowly and trips over his own thoughts. I will talk to a toddler who takes forever to say what they want. All the quiet moments, the pauses, the effort to get the words out, teach you something. I love listening and noticing what people are really trying to say.
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ALLIÉ: And that is perhaps the most beautiful and honest way to love: to listen. Let’s look back at the version of yourself before MS. You were diagnosed at 10 years old. When you look at that little girl now, what did you see in her eyes then that you do not see now?

NICOLE: That I am still worthy… In 1998, there was not much known about MS. Mental health was not widely recognized or accepted. My mom was told not to tell anyone because no one wanted to “label” a child with MS. People were ignorant. They did not understand invisible illnesses. The belief was that I would not be able to get a job if people knew I had MS.

That plants a narrative in your mind that something is wrong with you and that you should be ashamed. I hated myself for a long time. I carried this attitude of “No one is ever going to want to be with me anyway, so I might as well do whatever I want.” I fought everything.

When you are 10, all you want is to be like your peers. You want to feel included. I did not want to be the ‘weird sick girl’. Even though no one deserves to be teased, you still know enough to think, “I do not want that to be me.”

Kids do not understand MS. When I was hospitalized, I was on oral steroids for an entire summer. I had Solumedrol several times. Pediatric MS hits differently. It is like getting hit by a truck. You get multiple symptoms at once, and they are usually more severe because your body is still growing. You get hospitalized more. You have more flare-ups.

The only saving grace is that neuroplasticity helps kids bounce back better. But all the in-and-out of doctors’ offices, the weight gain, the missed school, the moon-shaped face, all of it made me stand out. People noticed. In fourth grade, everyone knew I was gone for a week and a half. Kids made cards for me, but I was still the odd one out.

I remember losing friends in middle school. I remember being excluded from things without understanding why. I remember being removed from a talent show dance because I had gained weight and looked different. Kids do not know what MS is. The only people I knew with it were my friends’ parents. I remember thinking, “I am a kid. Why am I getting something adults get?”

ALLIÉ: I can imagine how different her eyes must have looked then compared to yours now. So let’s flip that. What do you see in your eyes today that she never could have imagined?

NICOLE: That this disease could actually bring me purpose. I never thought I would do anything related to MS. I did not want anyone knowing. I did not want to be labeled. I looked like everyone else. I was fun. I knew how to hide things. Honestly, a wobbly leg is not that noticeable.
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​People will tell me, “You look great,” and they do not notice that I am wobbling constantly. But when I post an online video and wobble while unloading the dishwasher, someone will comment, “I saw your wobble.” I go back to watch what they are talking about. Sometimes they notice things that the average person never would.

ALLIÉ: Let’s shift gears for a moment. Gratitude often shows up in disguise. Can you share a moment recently when you were frustrated or afraid and later realized it was actually a gift?


NICOLE: That is a hard one. Honestly, my diagnosis as a whole has a silver lining. I posted this recently: If you could go back to the moment of your diagnosis and erase your chronic illness, but also erase every person you met afterward, every relationship, every lesson, every moment of growth, would you do it? To me, nothing is as valuable as having to overcome a challenge. There is only one way forward, and that is through it.


ALLIÉ: Yes. The diagnosis becomes a blessing in disguise once you can recognize it as one. And now you can.


NICOLE: It is funny because I went to school for public health, but I never planned on working in public health. I wanted to go into pharmaceutical sales. I thought I was taking the long route. I remember teaching refugees about health literacy. Things like how to understand what is happening in the doctor’s office, why you should bring someone with you, why you should take notes. Basic hygiene concepts that are second nature to us but completely new to people coming from different countries.

It is interesting that my life circled back. Now healthcare, accessibility, and awareness are everything to me. I want people to feel empowered and confident. Not only confident in their decisions, but confident that they can handle what comes next.

Recently, I felt a decline. I sent my neurologist a long message describing every symptom. I asked him if the neuroplasticity that helped me as a child will eventually decrease enough that I will be hit with something big. I wanted his honest answer.

I knew a time would come when I would feel myself decline. Things get more frustrating. I found myself thinking, “Please do not let this happen.” But then I stopped and thought, “I cannot control if it happens. I can only control how I deal with it.” I already survived the worst parts of my life. Whatever comes next, I can handle it.

ALLIÉ: Exactly. You cannot control MS, but you can control your response. That part belongs only to you. So let’s talk about the documentary we are both part of, Because I Can. You are not only sharing your own story. You are helping tell a collective one. What have you learned about how your story can inspire courage in others to tell their own?

NICOLE: Living with this condition for so long gives people hope. It shows them that someone has already walked the path ahead of them. I would have loved to see someone diagnosed at 11 or 14 or 15 who was now 40. That alone would have changed everything for me.

My dad once said that he did not know if I would be in a wheelchair by 16. That was the understanding people had about MS. It was seen only as a disability. MS progresses differently in kids than adults, and I bounced back well. But the belief was always that disability was only a few years away… What was the question again?

ALLIÉ: How does your story empower others to tell their own?

NICOLE: I think it gives people permission. Permission to say, “I do not care if I have this. I am going to speak up because others are struggling too.” That in itself is empowering. And the only way we shift the culture around women’s health is by advocating for ourselves. When we advocate, we do not just change the culture. We change the outcomes.

ALLIÉ: Yes. Sharing becomes its own kind of caring.

NICOLE: And the mental health piece matters too. So many kids are embarrassed to admit they are sad or depressed. I love those commercials where a kid gets hurt and his friend asks how he is doing. The kid says it has been hard lately, and the friend completely normalizes it. That is what we need more of. We need to be more conscious about how we respond to people. Instead of saying, “Everyone feels that way, don’t be a baby,” we should be saying, “I understand. What can I do to help?” Those words matter.

ALLIÉ: I love the nuance of that. “What can I do to help?” Instead of “Can I help?” One is passive. One is present.

NICOLE: Exactly. “Can I do anything to help you? Can I make this easier? Do you want me to grab groceries for you?” You should never feel bad about what you accomplish in a day when you are already dealing with so much. Validation and encouragement matter. They show awareness of the hardship.

ALLIÉ: One last question. If gratitude were a person sitting across from you right now, what would you say to her? What would you say to Miss Gratitude?

NICOLE: I would say thank you for making my middle school and teenage years miserable, because those years taught me how to overcome a lot.

I was a rebellious teenager. I did not live at home for seven months during my senior year. I was impulsive. I was angry. I talked back constantly. I felt like no one understood me.

But adversity creates character. I am grateful I went through that stage when I did, because it made me a more caring and understanding adult. And that is how I am able to show up for others now. Sometimes it is hard to relate to people if you have never gone through something difficult yourself.

ALLIÉ: It becomes a way to connect… a way to find our way back to each other.

NICOLE: So gratitude, thank you for teaching me in the school of hard-knock life. ∎
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Find & follow Nicole on Instagram:
@nicolepedra
Learn more about Nicole’s story as an AwareNow Official Ambassador:
​www.awarenowmedia.com/nicole-pedra