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 Invalidation, Marcus warns, is a cycle. A student acts out. The teacher, triggered and stressed, responds with judgment. The student, already sensitive from a history of being misunderstood, escalates. The teacher tightens control. The student spirals. What looks like a disproportionate reaction in the moment is, in fact, the result of a long-standing pattern of emotional injury. In classrooms across the country, teachers face students who act out in ways that seem defiant, disruptive, and often labeled as disrespectful. But Dr. Marcus Rodriguez, founder and clinical director of the Youth and Family Institute, challenges educators to ask a different question: What problem does this behavior solve for the student? Whether it’s phone usage, inappropriate jokes, or substance use, these actions often mask deeper emotional struggles, like grief, shame, or trauma. “Very few kids can accurately express what they’re feeling,” Marcus explains. “So instead, they act out. And when we respond with judgment instead of curiosity, we miss the opportunity to truly help.” Marcus speaks from experience. As a child, he was frequently sent to the principal’s office, suspended, and labeled as a troublemaker. But beneath the impulsivity and chaos was a good kid who was misunderstood and unsupported. “I wonder, what if someone had asked, ‘What does Marcus need?’” This is the paradigm shift Marcus advocates for: train teachers not just in classroom management, but emotional intelligence. “It’s a huge ask,” he acknowledges. “But these are teachable skills.” Through Youth and Family Institute’s validation training, educators learn how to regulate their own emotions, practice ‘both/and’ thinking, and most importantly, validate their students. “It takes close to zero skill to judge a kid,” Marcus says. “But to be curious, to ask what’s going on, to figure out what that kid needs — that’s really, really tricky.” And yet, it’s essential. This concept of validation is a core principle of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Validation is the process of seeking out and acknowledging how someone's feelings, thoughts, or actions are understandable given their circumstances. Validation is empathy plus communication that their perspective makes sense. But it is not just a therapeutic tool in Marcus’s experience. It is a life skill that has transformed his relationships, his parenting, and ultimately, his vision for education. Without validation, students remain misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and mislabeled. And the cycle continues.  The goal is not to excuse problematic behavior, it’s to understand it, and help students find healthier ways to meet their needs. Marcus highlights a common misconception: that validation means agreement, approval, reassurance, or surrendering authority. “It doesn’t,” Marcus clarifies. “Validation is about acknowledging the truth in someone’s experience. You can validate and still hold limits. You can validate and still implement a consequence. You can validate and still lead.” What makes Marcus’s approach so impactful is its accessibility. “You don’t need rigorous certifications to do this,” he insists. “You just need to know that this is an approach that can be taken.” When Marcus was invited to train educators in DBT skills for students, he saw an opportunity to flip the script. “The district asked me to teach distress tolerance, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and mindfulness to students,” he recalls. “I asked to begin with the teachers first.” With the district’s trust, Marcus delivered a training that focused just on educator well-being. “Teachers need these skills first,” he explains. “When a student throws a cologne bottle against the wall and it explodes like a gunshot, that teacher needs distress tolerance. When they’re overwhelmed with stress, they need emotion regulation. When their minds are filled with judgments about a student’s ‘defiance,’ they need mindfulness. And when they’re trying to preserve authority while staying connected, they need interpersonal effectiveness.” Marcus’s training approach turns away from blaming students, and turns toward empowering educators. “If teachers learn these skills, they can validate. And if they validate, students are more likely to regulate. Then they’re more open to learning the skills themselves.” It’s a trickle-down model of emotional wellness, one that starts with the adults and flows naturally to the students. The feedback was overwhelming. Veteran teachers described the training as “the most useful thing [they’ve] ever been taught.” His goal in leading the Youth and Family Institute is to spark a paradigm shift in education by teaching educators how the skill of validation is a systems-level intervention: to create validating environments. Whether in Los Angeles or Zimbabwe, Marcus believes that every educator deserves to learn the power of validation, and every student deserves to feel seen. Validation, Marcus advocates for, offers a transformative cycle: a student expresses themselves inaccurately, the teacher regulates their own emotions, accesses curiosity, develops understanding, and responds with validation. The student feels seen, calms down, and begins to express themselves more accurately. The teacher’s job becomes easier. The relationship strengthens. Learning becomes possible. Currently, there is an opportunity to invest in research to determine the influence of validation in schools. Marcus proposes a bold vision: a collaborative study measuring the impact of validation trainings on outcomes like teacher retention, student suspensions, absenteeism, and positive school climate. “If you’re a district leader reading this,” Marcus says, “let’s train your staff. Let’s measure the impact and prove what we already know in our hearts: When we truly see one another, learning is activated, and belonging becomes real.” ∎
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